"I don't mean to offend you but...."

Don't you just love that line?  "I don't know want to offend you but..." of "No offense but..." I will offend you with this very next thing I am about to say.  I do so hope that my disclaimer will ease the blow.  By saying those few little words I was completely able to erase any hint of offensiveness. 

And yet people continue to use these phrases to cushion the blow to many offensive and horrible things.  Are we dumb?  Are our brains that malleable and pliable that we will forgive being slammed with various insults as long as they are precursor ed with a few insignificant words??  I have more faith in humanity.  I know we know we are being insulted despite these attempts to placate.  I know that we stand there in complete awareness, yet are too polite to call the offender on the offense. 

I was in a meeting a few days ago.  I was trying to figure who to approach with a certain topic that needed to be discussed.  Not a matter of any consequence, I was just wondering who the person was I needed to talk to.  And the person I was in the meeting with was explaining how it was good to make sure to air out any grievances before they fester.  My inquiry had nothing to do with a grievance, just a trading of information, if you will.  Anyway, this man who I was in meeting with proceeds to say, "No offense, but women tend to keep things bottled up more until they become emotional."  GAW??? WHA??  HUH??  Really?? Is that so?? Is that a rule I haven't been aware of this many years?? Wow, allow me to apologize on behalf of my gender for owning our emotions??.....  But did I say that? No, I sat there and nodded, changing the topic as quickly as I could so I wouldn't have to launch into a diatribe riddling my colleague with the bullets of a woman rubbed the wrong way.  I mean I didn't want to come off as overly emotional, after all.  GAWD!!

So is it true?  Do women internalize too much, and too often?  Are men better at voicing opinion/concerns/complaints/every little thing that pops into their testosterone-soaked brains?  Well I have to be honest, the comment got me thinking.  Women do express emotion more frequently than men.  And yes women do seem to have more emotional reactions to things than men do.  But is that a bad thing?? Does that prevent us from confronting issues of concern?  Not in my opinion.  I have seen women fight authority since I was little.  Mothers have been standing up in defense of their families for hundreds of years.  They will take on any Goliath if it means protecting their family.  And they don't wait around until it festers, no they take the bull by the horns and do what needs to be done.  I see women speaking their minds on a daily basis.  so what if our reactions contain more emotion.  Does that make them wrong?? Does that make them less valuable.  Just because a man would handle the situation differently, doesn't mean our way is wrong.

We need to stop trying to be like men.  We need to stop apologizing for the way we do things.  We handle things differently and we need to be ok with that.  It is a constant struggle for us because so many positions of power remain in the hands of men.  Most bosses are still men.  Most superior positions are still owned by our male counterparts.  And until the balance has shifted and we are used to seeing women (in authority) dealing with and handling themselves, we will always be called out on our "ways".  Men are still dominating positions of power and therefore dictating what they consider to be "the right way" to handle things (which does not include any hint of emotion).

How may times have you heard women being called too emotional?  Well isn't that relative?  Too emotional compared to what?  To the emotionally cripple man that sets the standard?  These thought patterns and allowances have to stop.  It is ok to have emotion. 

It is ironic that I should be the one talking about this.  My family is always making fun of me for having no soul.  I'm not overtly emotional.  Well not that I've allowed anyone to see.  But actually in private I am very emotional.  I have just allowed society to influence how and when I expose that side of me.  I am a victim of this flawed system...

LOSING MY VOICE

Well life has intervened yet again, and I find myself neglecting my voice.  I have started a new job.  I have moved.  And I am really trying to carve out some semblance of routine and normal life structure.  But in doing so, I have let a few things slide: exercise, blogging, reflection, etc.  And while these things might not be crucial to a successful life, they are somewhat crucial to mine.  I miss thinking.  I miss sharing my thoughts.  I miss expressing my thoughts.  And what about my opinions.  It's not like I can share them with just anyone.  First of all, most people don't care what I think about the complete bastardization of the holiday season, nor does there ever seem to be a great time to throw down my often weighted opinions that seem to be bogged down in negativity.  But here, in this place, where almost no one will read this, I can be free to say what I feel.  I don't have to worry about who is listening or the look on their faces as I speak.  It is just me and a keyboard and a sense of weightless abandon.  But with any freedom comes a sense of fear.  What if I go to far? What if I say something that offends some one?  What if some one I don't want reading this, reads it?  What if it gets out that I am this feminist with a purpose?  I don't want that to be my identifying characteristic, and that is a real fear some modern feminists, we don't want to be mis-labeled as fem-Nazis.  Like most gay people I know don't want to be defined by their sexual orientation; they want to be "Joe" and only in their footnotes does it mention their orientation.  Well it is the same with me.  I don't want to be Feminist Dawn.  I want to be Dawn. Its not like I am this flag-waving, hairy-armpitted, boot wearing woman, spewing quotes from Simone de Beauvoir.  I haven't even finished reading "The Feminine Mystique" yet. And that isn't what I want this blog to be solely about.  It is about ME, and everything that means.  And so maybe it is time to find a group of people that I can converse with about things that should remain separate from the office.  While this is a great outlet, I think it would be nice to socialize with like-minded people.  Perhaps that will be my next project!!!!