I witnessed a young girl (in grade 11) completely degrade herself today. I saw this poor young girl parade her new, and quite suggestive, Halloween costume in front of a group of boys, begging for them to react. She proceeded to complain about how the skirt is too short and her butt will hang out. These three witty, young gentlemen didn’t miss their cue, even though it must have been tough for them to think as the blood drained from their head, but recovered in time to assault her with a barrage of cleverly-worded, well articulated come-ons that any girl would melt upon hearing (“you’re just looking for it in that”; “Better not bend over at the dance cuz some one’s gonna stick it in you”). Doesn’t that just make your heart flutter? Isn’t that what all young girls dream of hearing one day? But any attention from boys is better than nothing right? Girls who don’t feel that they have value, feel they have nothing to offer but their bodies. They’ve reduced themselves to nothing more than their physical being. So when they aren’t receiving attention for their bodies, they must feel invisible, and no one wants to feel invisible. And the more they need/crave the attention to more overt and desperate their behaviour becomes.
How bad does a girl have to feel about herself in order to allow boys to debase her in such a crude and disgusting way? What is their inner monologue playing as they stand there with a smile on their face while boys are saying: “hey, I heard you gave Joe some good head last night”; or “Why don’t you suck my dick”; or “Shut the fuck up you dumb cunt.” These are comments I hear boys saying at school. And how do girls react to these comments? A little bit of mindless giggling or some fake outrage that is half-hearted at best. Well I mean, com one, you wouldn’t want these Rhode Scholars and pillars of the community to think you weren’t cool by rebuffing these slurs. Heaven forbid that “Joe” (you know the kid that smells of stale smoke, is 19 in grade 10 and can’t even name the Prime Minister of Canada) doesn’t like you. But that is what matters at that age: being accepted. That is why it is important that we make the majority of our kids respectful, strong, and self-assured. By accepting the negative reactions of these boys; by allowing them to make those disgusting comments you have given them permission to treat you with complete disrespect. And when a man has been allowed to treat even one woman like she has no value, he will try to get away with it again, and the more he gets away with it the harder it will be for him to ever understand why degrading women is wrong. In order to educate men on how to respect and treat women as equals, value them as people and hold them in high esteem, women need to stop seeking out this negative attention and being permissive of the sexually degrading comments. They need to voice their outrage at these comments. They need to put a stop to this behaviour. They need to be ok with themselves. They need to feel secure enough in their surroundings to be able to speak their t minds. They need to feel that others will have their back. But isn’t it a vicious cycle? They more they hear these comments; the worse they feel about themselves.
Girls need to experience the difference between positive and negative attention. They need to feel that difference. They need to know what it feels like to be valued and appreciated for who they are rather than what sexual thoughts they provoke. They need to feel pride for receiving compliments for doing good school work; being productive; helping others; being MVP of the soccer game; delivering a great speech. They need to feel that inner awakening that occurs when you make an emotional or spiritual connection with another person. They need to feel the sense of fulfillment that happens when you relate to someone based on common interests and ideals, not compromising yourself to fulfill someone else’s sexual desires. They need to compare those positive feelings to the emptiness that slinks in after they receive an inappropriate “compliment” based on their physical attributes. Sure these comments might give some sort of instant satisfaction; might pump them up for the moment, but that moment is fleeting. And as that moment fades it carves out a crater much like an iceberg. It leaves a desperate, empty space in its wake. Compare the warmth of positive reinforcement to the cold shudder of being praised solely for your sexual willingness. Unfortunately a lot of girls don’t get the honour of ever feeling valued for who they are. And they are never taught how to be treated in a respectful and healthy way.
