Work Equity - Are we There Yet? - Part 1

Remember the episode of Friends where Rachel takes up smoking just so she can join her boss on smoke breaks???  Rachel was experiencing something most women in the work force have experienced; being excluded from decisions and/or opportunities because we weren’t included in the conversation.  Why weren’t we included in the conversation?  Because the conversation happened over the 6^th hole of the golf course or in front of the bosses office while a group of men stood around talking about golf, cigars, scotch, scratching their hairy balls or some other stereotypical male activity.  Now, if you remember correctly Rachel’s boss was a female, so ok one small media victory for women.  But this is an issue women talk about daily.  Do our male co-workers know they are excluding us?  Some might not, some don’t care, and obviously some know exactly what they are doing.  But that doesn’t really matter.  I have seen it happen time and time again.  Male Boss turns instinctively to male subordinate and asks him about his weekend golf score.  Conversations about birdies, clubs, and greens ensue, leading to an invitation from one to another for a shared weekend tee time.  Female subordinate stands in the distance and wishes she played golf, or if ballsy enough, pipes up and invites herself.  Do you think work won’t be discussed on that little man date?  Of course it will, and that male subordinate will be in the most prime position to scoop up any opportunities or express opinions.  He has the boss in a relaxed environment, and no doubt the boss will be in a good mood.

Ok ok, I know what some of you are thinking; there are women who play golf, drink scotch and smoke cigars (and genuinely enjoy it).  I am aware of this.  I was just using those things as examples because they are the most vibrant stereotypes and ones I have personally experienced.   But before you get angry that I am promoting party lines and that I buy into the fact that men do men things and women do women things, allow me to explain.  I know that men and women share common interest, obviously.  But I also don’t have my head in the sand.  Men and women are different.  And I don’t think feminism is about blending those differences, I think feminism is about accepting them and celebrating them and not valuing one set over another.  Feminists have often asked the question: “Is being a successful feminist a case of achieving in a man’s world?”  In order for that to happen do women have to become more like men?  Germaine Greer, noted feminist author, activist and leader, answered that question best in the documentary The F Word, “Are we assuming that the same size shoe is gonna fit?  In order to liberate women we have to preserve their difference.  Otherwise we’ll liberate them like we liberated Vietnamese villages; by destroying them.”

  I know that not all offices are divided like a junior high dance.  But my point is… it is still happening. And it happens all the time.  Men will always find reasons to relate to their male counterparts on a level that excludes females.  I know there are millions of lovely equal-opportunity work environments out there to prove me wrong.  And I think that is great.  I’m not even saying this is the norm (though I believe it to be, I just don’t have the stats to prove it). What I’m saying is that there are too many men out there in the work force, in positions of power, who don’t yet view women to be their equals.  And being mindful of that is important.  Teachers are inundated with lessons on how to avoid gender bias in the classroom.  Bosses/Management need the same training. 

Don’t kid yourself or be naïve.  Work equity is still a major issue in our world.  Perhaps you are lucky enough to be in an industry where you don’t feel it as much.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  We may have broken into the work force, but we haven’t shattered its glass ceiling yet. 

A Brief History of Feminism (a bare bones overview)

I was doing this as a side project, but thought it would be nice to share.  I know most of you know most of this, but it never hurts to revisit history to find out where we came from, how far we’ve come, and how much further there is to go.

If there is one cause women can agree on and band together for, it  is to reduce the idiocy of men.  And that is exactly what they did in the mid to late 1800’s during the Temperance Movement (Prohibition).  They believed that alcohol lead to violent and crazed behaviour and was destroying their men.  Weren’t they smart?  And so this marks the first time women got together for a cause.  They marched, held rallies, and like always, got the job done.

This taste of reform had lead to the realization that more changes were necessary.  It was time.  They had found their voice.  Once again, alcohol had caused women to be brazen and uninhabited, but this time no clothes came off, this time it was about creating impact.  They wanted to vote and own property.  They wanted independence.  And thus was born the Suffragette of the early 1900’s.  Saying that these women were a vocal minority is an understatement.  Not even other women were on their side yet.  But in 1918 after more heartache and sacrifice than we can imagine, their passion and stubbornness paid off, women in Canada were allowed to vote (1920 for the US). 

A sense of freedom rippled through a generation of young women.  Society was turned on its ear.  Flappers, women smoking cigarettes, speaking their mind.  The world was crazy.  And then (enter stage right) war.  Two in fact.  It was a tough time for everyone.  So desperate were we, that women were permitted to work.  Imagine, women, working, doing the same jobs the men were forced to leave.  And work they did.  Rosie the Riveter, bandannas, overalls.  It was a wonderful time in our history.  But like all good things, it came to an end.   Though happy the war was over, women were not so happy to be pushed out of their jobs. 

And as though none of it had even happened, women were back in the kitchen and more submissive than ever it seemed.  As some one looking back on history it feels like overnight women went from wrenches and greasy overalls to aprons and Electrolux vacuums.  Their main goal was to keep house and buy the latest, newest, flashiest appliances.  I actually knit my brows as I write this because I just don’t understand what happened to convince women that giving up their freedom was a better option than gaining independence.  But such were the 1950’s.  Women in pearls, drinking themselves to death in order to get through the day and suppress their urge to make a mark beyond their front porch. 

When the drinking wasn’t enough, they were ready for the Second Wave of Feminism in the 1960’s.  This is when women asked themselves “Is this all there is?”  And thus appeared such radical ballsy landmarks such as “The Feminine Mystique” – Betty Friedan , Ms Magazine – Gloria Steinem, “The Female Eunuch” – Germaine Greer.  Women were burning the bras that they felt shackled them to traditional roles.  Birth control allowed women to have sex freely without fear of pregnancy.  This was a generation of women who were determined not to end up like their mothers.  They wanted more, and allowed themselves to go for it.  It was glorious, a celebration of opportunity.  But it was serious business “make policy not coffee”.  They wanted reform.  It’s not just about dancing in a meadow with a short skirt, no bra and a wreath of flowers in your hair.  It was about Canada’s first publication of the Royal Commission on the Status of Women.  Finally the world was seeing the inequality, governments acknowledged it, abortion legislation was changed.  Progress was happening.

But the backlash was ugly.  These women (the leaders of this movement) were painted as man haters, and manipulative shrews.  In the 1980’s the media had decided to go against this movement and began casting feminists in an ugly unflattering light.  They ran stories about educated women not being able to find husbands.  That women were more unhappy now than ever before.  With the 80’s (and most women believe Reagan and his conservativism) came the end of an era for women’s lib. 

But if you haven’t noticed already, every ebb is answered by a flow.  The Third Wave of feminism hit in the 90’s.  This was more about inclusion: gay, straight, trans, all layers of the socioeconomic stratosphere, all races and creeds.  It was about being open minded and accepting.  It was about a call to action.  “Stand up women, we still have work to do”.    This is the generation raised by the Second Wave feminists of the 60’s.  They were raised to demand more, there was really no other option.

And now we must all decide if we (and I mean women and men) have more work to do.  Have previous generations done it all for us?  What’s left?  Have we reached the limit to equality?  Well I am afraid that if you are answering yes to those questions, you do not have a firm grip on reality.  We are still being underpaid and undervalued, especially in North America.  There is more to be done my friends.  We just might not feel the urgency of it because of all the work these great women did before us. 

But be aware that in Canada we are currently slipping backward under the current Harper gov’t (barf).  In the 2005 World Economic Forum that investigated the global gender gap, Canada was ranked #7.  This report measured how well a country’s resources were divided among men and women.  In 2010 a second report was published and we ranked #20.  For the first time we were behind the US.   Why the dramatic drop?  Because of the incredible cuts in funding to women related agencies: emergency crisis centres, advocacy, affordable housing, planned parenthood, etc. 

But just so you know, we can fix this…

"I don't mean to offend you but...."

Don't you just love that line?  "I don't know want to offend you but..." of "No offense but..." I will offend you with this very next thing I am about to say.  I do so hope that my disclaimer will ease the blow.  By saying those few little words I was completely able to erase any hint of offensiveness. 

And yet people continue to use these phrases to cushion the blow to many offensive and horrible things.  Are we dumb?  Are our brains that malleable and pliable that we will forgive being slammed with various insults as long as they are precursor ed with a few insignificant words??  I have more faith in humanity.  I know we know we are being insulted despite these attempts to placate.  I know that we stand there in complete awareness, yet are too polite to call the offender on the offense. 

I was in a meeting a few days ago.  I was trying to figure who to approach with a certain topic that needed to be discussed.  Not a matter of any consequence, I was just wondering who the person was I needed to talk to.  And the person I was in the meeting with was explaining how it was good to make sure to air out any grievances before they fester.  My inquiry had nothing to do with a grievance, just a trading of information, if you will.  Anyway, this man who I was in meeting with proceeds to say, "No offense, but women tend to keep things bottled up more until they become emotional."  GAW??? WHA??  HUH??  Really?? Is that so?? Is that a rule I haven't been aware of this many years?? Wow, allow me to apologize on behalf of my gender for owning our emotions??.....  But did I say that? No, I sat there and nodded, changing the topic as quickly as I could so I wouldn't have to launch into a diatribe riddling my colleague with the bullets of a woman rubbed the wrong way.  I mean I didn't want to come off as overly emotional, after all.  GAWD!!

So is it true?  Do women internalize too much, and too often?  Are men better at voicing opinion/concerns/complaints/every little thing that pops into their testosterone-soaked brains?  Well I have to be honest, the comment got me thinking.  Women do express emotion more frequently than men.  And yes women do seem to have more emotional reactions to things than men do.  But is that a bad thing?? Does that prevent us from confronting issues of concern?  Not in my opinion.  I have seen women fight authority since I was little.  Mothers have been standing up in defense of their families for hundreds of years.  They will take on any Goliath if it means protecting their family.  And they don't wait around until it festers, no they take the bull by the horns and do what needs to be done.  I see women speaking their minds on a daily basis.  so what if our reactions contain more emotion.  Does that make them wrong?? Does that make them less valuable.  Just because a man would handle the situation differently, doesn't mean our way is wrong.

We need to stop trying to be like men.  We need to stop apologizing for the way we do things.  We handle things differently and we need to be ok with that.  It is a constant struggle for us because so many positions of power remain in the hands of men.  Most bosses are still men.  Most superior positions are still owned by our male counterparts.  And until the balance has shifted and we are used to seeing women (in authority) dealing with and handling themselves, we will always be called out on our "ways".  Men are still dominating positions of power and therefore dictating what they consider to be "the right way" to handle things (which does not include any hint of emotion).

How may times have you heard women being called too emotional?  Well isn't that relative?  Too emotional compared to what?  To the emotionally cripple man that sets the standard?  These thought patterns and allowances have to stop.  It is ok to have emotion. 

It is ironic that I should be the one talking about this.  My family is always making fun of me for having no soul.  I'm not overtly emotional.  Well not that I've allowed anyone to see.  But actually in private I am very emotional.  I have just allowed society to influence how and when I expose that side of me.  I am a victim of this flawed system...

LOSING MY VOICE

Well life has intervened yet again, and I find myself neglecting my voice.  I have started a new job.  I have moved.  And I am really trying to carve out some semblance of routine and normal life structure.  But in doing so, I have let a few things slide: exercise, blogging, reflection, etc.  And while these things might not be crucial to a successful life, they are somewhat crucial to mine.  I miss thinking.  I miss sharing my thoughts.  I miss expressing my thoughts.  And what about my opinions.  It's not like I can share them with just anyone.  First of all, most people don't care what I think about the complete bastardization of the holiday season, nor does there ever seem to be a great time to throw down my often weighted opinions that seem to be bogged down in negativity.  But here, in this place, where almost no one will read this, I can be free to say what I feel.  I don't have to worry about who is listening or the look on their faces as I speak.  It is just me and a keyboard and a sense of weightless abandon.  But with any freedom comes a sense of fear.  What if I go to far? What if I say something that offends some one?  What if some one I don't want reading this, reads it?  What if it gets out that I am this feminist with a purpose?  I don't want that to be my identifying characteristic, and that is a real fear some modern feminists, we don't want to be mis-labeled as fem-Nazis.  Like most gay people I know don't want to be defined by their sexual orientation; they want to be "Joe" and only in their footnotes does it mention their orientation.  Well it is the same with me.  I don't want to be Feminist Dawn.  I want to be Dawn. Its not like I am this flag-waving, hairy-armpitted, boot wearing woman, spewing quotes from Simone de Beauvoir.  I haven't even finished reading "The Feminine Mystique" yet. And that isn't what I want this blog to be solely about.  It is about ME, and everything that means.  And so maybe it is time to find a group of people that I can converse with about things that should remain separate from the office.  While this is a great outlet, I think it would be nice to socialize with like-minded people.  Perhaps that will be my next project!!!!

And Now an Observation About the State of our Youth...

I witnessed a young girl (in grade 11) completely degrade herself today.  I saw this poor young girl parade her new, and quite suggestive, Halloween costume in front of a group of boys, begging for them to react.  She proceeded to complain about how the skirt is too short and her butt will hang out.  These three witty, young gentlemen didn’t miss their cue, even though it must have been tough for them to think as the blood drained from their head, but recovered in time to assault her with a barrage of cleverly-worded, well articulated come-ons that any girl would melt upon hearing (“you’re just looking for it in that”; “Better not bend over at the dance cuz some one’s gonna stick it in you”).  Doesn’t that just make your heart flutter?  Isn’t that what all young girls dream of hearing one day?  But any attention from boys is better than nothing right?  Girls who don’t feel that they have value, feel they have nothing to offer but their bodies.  They’ve reduced themselves to nothing more than their physical being.  So when they aren’t receiving attention for their bodies, they must feel invisible, and no one wants to feel invisible.  And the more they need/crave the attention to more overt and desperate their behaviour becomes. 

How bad does a girl have to feel about herself in order to allow boys to debase her in such a crude and disgusting way?  What is their inner monologue playing as they stand there with a smile on their face while boys are saying: “hey, I heard you gave Joe some good head last night”; or “Why don’t you suck my dick”; or “Shut the fuck up you dumb cunt.”  These are comments I hear boys saying at school.  And how do girls react to these comments?  A little bit of mindless giggling or some fake outrage that is half-hearted at best.  Well I mean, com one, you wouldn’t want these Rhode Scholars and pillars of the community to think you weren’t cool by rebuffing these slurs.  Heaven forbid that “Joe” (you know the kid that smells of stale smoke, is 19 in grade 10 and can’t even name the Prime Minister of Canada) doesn’t like you.  But that is what matters at that age: being accepted.  That is why it is important that we make the majority of our kids respectful, strong, and self-assured.  By accepting the negative reactions of these boys; by allowing them to make those disgusting comments you have given them permission to treat you with complete disrespect.  And when a man has been allowed to treat even one woman like she has no value, he will try to get away with it again, and the more he gets away with it the harder it will be for him to ever understand why degrading women is wrong.  In order to educate men on how to respect and treat women as equals, value them as people and hold them in high esteem, women need to stop seeking out this negative attention and being permissive of the sexually degrading comments.  They need to voice their outrage at these comments.  They need to put a stop to this behaviour.  They need to be ok with themselves.  They need to feel secure enough in their surroundings to be able to speak their t minds.  They need to feel that others will have their back.  But isn’t it a vicious cycle?  They more they hear these comments; the worse they feel about themselves. 

Girls need to experience the difference between positive and negative attention.  They need to feel that difference.   They need to know what it feels like to be valued and appreciated for who they are rather than what sexual thoughts they provoke.  They need to feel pride for receiving compliments for doing good school work; being productive; helping others; being MVP of the soccer game; delivering a great speech.  They need to feel that inner awakening that occurs when you make an emotional or spiritual connection with another person.  They need to feel the sense of fulfillment that happens when you relate to someone based on common interests and ideals, not compromising yourself to fulfill someone else’s sexual desires.  They need to compare those positive feelings to the emptiness that slinks in after they receive an inappropriate “compliment” based on their physical attributes.  Sure these comments might give some sort of instant satisfaction; might pump them up for the moment, but that moment is fleeting.  And as that moment fades it carves out a crater much like an iceberg.  It leaves a desperate, empty space in its wake.  Compare the warmth of positive reinforcement to the cold shudder of being praised solely for your sexual willingness.  Unfortunately a lot of girls don’t get the honour of ever feeling valued for who they are.  And they are never taught how to be treated in a respectful and healthy way.

And Now a Poem...

Something I wrote during a time of doubt, well I tend to doubt a lot, I guess this was extreme doubt.  And with these very necessary conversations about bullying and how these beautiful, young people are committing suicide as a way to ease their pain, well this piece feels timely...I feel bad that being gay is a reason to be bullied.  I feel bad that in this day and age being gay is still an issue.  I feel bad that there are so many hurting young souls out there that feel so bad about themselves, they feel the need to destroy others...It is a sad time...I don't really have a title, as usual..but maybe "Christian is as Christian does"...It kinda whispers of teen angst, but that's not necessarily a bad thing...

Feeling anxious
Want the war to end
Hatred like knives cutting my skin
Body bruised from your words and looks

Sticks and stones pelt the ground at my feet-
I step over them

Anger rings in my ears,
Makes me dizzy.
What did I do to you?
Why do you hate me?

I run away from your mob
You liked me cuz it was wrong not to-
You didn't want people to know the truth.

I stumble on the debris of the hate you try to suppress

You pretended to be OK with me
You pretended to accept me
But you just can't do it anymore

Hate bubbles from your nostrils, eyes, ears
Just like me you can't pretend to be something you're not anymore

Two videos we all need to see...

I want to share two videos that offer some info on two of the harshest topics facing our young women today: sexualization in the media and poverty.  These are two issues that have an enormous impact on women as they mature. Each in thier own way, these things damage the essense of womenhood and corrode the strength of our gender.  We need to fight these two formidable foes and educate our women to recognize the pitfalls that await them.  It is through education of these societal deficits that we will remove ourselves from under their oppressive, tyrannical thumb.  And lets not forget how the male gender resopnds to these catalysts: poverty allows those opportunistic men to prey on the weak, and sexualization in the media gives men the license to be mysoginists.  These videos are fantastic educational tools as well as eye openers. 

http://girleffect.org/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjAVL5zFrlU