My Favourite Books...

I read a lot...it's true, though not as much as I should.  Some people say I'm a bit of a literary snob.  That is only partly true.  Ok so I think Daniel Steel and Jodi Picoult are trash, but if that is what it takes to get you turning pages, then go right ahead. Anyway, here is a list of some of my all time fave reads....

1. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
2. The Poisonwood Bible - Barbra Kingsolver
3. The Glass Castle - Jeanette Walls
4. She's Come Undone - Wally Lamb
5. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith
6. Clara Callan - Richard B. Wright
7. The Diviners - Margaret Laurence
8. Fall on Your Knees - Ann-Marie MacDonald
9. The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood
10. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
11. Empire Falls - Richard Russo

There could have been so many honourable mentions, but these are the ones that have affected who I am.  These are the ones that when they are mentioned by some one, I can't shut up about, I could talk about them all day.  Anyway, I thought some one out there might be interested in what I read.  Would love to hear some feedback about this...What are your fave reads??

The Choices of Women in the "Pink Saris"

As modern women of the world we struggle with the decision to stay home with our children and make our career as a mom, or work in our chosen field, or both.  We are aware that many before us have sacrificed and suffered to give us these choices, and we know that if we were really with it, we would want to do both and be that super woman: corporate dragon slayer by day, have supper on the table by six and kids bathed and in bed by eight, only to pleasure our husbands and be in bed by ten.  Isn't that dreamy?  Isn't that what we are supposed to want; Everything?  We now have the opportunity to have everything so why not?  But I still hear the same discussions: women who want to chose their career over being a stay-at-home mom, but feel guilty that their children are being raised by strangers; or women who want to stay at home and raise their kids but feel they are letting down their sisters in the fight for equality.  Does being a stay at home mom mean turning your back on feminism?  I believe absolutely not.  We have fought for the right to chose without being scrutinized.  We have fought for the right to be respected as a mother and be valued as more than just a breeder with a broom.  Being a mom in honorable.  Going out everyday and bringing home the bacon to provide for your family is honorable.  We need to start being OK with our choices.  I know most of us still feel we have a lot to prove.  I know that we still have a fight on our hands.  I know there are a lot of people out there who don't see us as equals.  Anyway, I've been thinking about all this stuff for the last few days, and as I sit in my car I hear something that puts this into perspective.  As I listen to CBC radio I hear an interview with the women responsible for the new documentary "Pink Saris".  And I realize that our dilemmas are nothing compared to those of women in less progressive countries.  Ok so some people might sneer at a women for not being modern enough to want a career, big deal.  Women in India don't even bother going to the police when they are being raped by their fathers because no one will do anything about it.  They live in a country where justice for women is a nonexistent.  Justice is something that becomes the cause of a few well intentioned women with a media savvy leader.  And that is where the "Pink Saris" comes in.  That is the name of a gang of "vigilante" women who take justice into their own hands.  They go after the men who commit crimes against women.  And the women know that they won't get in trouble by the authorities because they are doing the jobs of the police.  It's brilliant!  These fearless women live in a society where being an opinionated, outspoken woman is not a popular choice, but they do it anyway. They do it because the women in their world need them to, and they don't care about the repercussions.  They do it because women need help and no one else is stepping up to the plate.  They do it because their society is letting women down.  It just makes me think of how far some countries and cultures need to come to catch up to where we are now.  We struggle with our choices as modern women, but we forget to be thankful that we have the choice.  We forget that a few sneers should mean nothing to us, because we are self-assured in our choices and that none of those decisions determine if we are good WOMEN.  We need to Embrace these decisions as empowerment.  The "Pink Saris" make decisions every time they take to the streets for women that need help.  And we make decisions every time we allow some one to make us feel bad for our choices. 

And now a book review....

I don't usually read this genre of novel, but I thought I'd give it a try for some guiltless summer reading.  I didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into this one and as it came with a few recommendations I thought, why not?  The book is The Last Child by John Hart.  It is a suspenseful,. mystery, thriller type novel set in a small town in North Carolina.  When you are becoming a teacher they tell that any time you need to make contact with parents to start off with the good stuff, so that is what I'm going to do here.  The book was a nice, easy read.  The story was opaque enough to keep me wanting to read on and solve the mystery.  And that is the most important thing to succeed at with this type of book.  The two main characters: Johnny Merrimon a devastated young man, and Clyde Hunt a police officer with a little too much compassion, are rich and tragically flawed.  They are fairly one-dimensional and their motivations are a bit transparent, but you still get caught up in their lives, and you do feel for them.  You feel their pain, and frustration.  The story is laid out in a very linear fashion, bouncing to different perspectives of the same police investigation.  Sometimes the reader will be with Johnny and sometimes the reader will be seeing things through the eyes of Clyde.  It is a good approach for this type of book.  Parts of the ending are somewhat obvious, but there are enough things that keep you guessing that make it a satisfying finish.  I was no disappointed and found myself well entertained.  I feel like the author was trying to really stretch out of his mold by bringing in symbolism and bits of history.  Both of these things were poorly executed.  The imagery of the crows was just too overt and it felt like it was added for effect instead of being organic to the story.  The history about black slavery was interesting but was not explored or incorporated to its full potential.  All in all this was an entertaining read and every time I picked the book up I had a hard time to put it down.  And in the end isn't that all we can ask from a book??  Ok so some of us like more depth and we like a book that makes us think, or changes our perspective, or changes our lives if we are really lucky, but I don't think every book needs to be that profound.  Sometimes it is ok to take a walk on the leisurely side of the street. 

Would you Not Like to Be

when I step into the light

my arms open wide

when I step into the light

my eyes searching wild

would you not like to be

sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free

would you not like to be OK, OK, OK

-Lie in Our Graves Dave Matthews Band-

heaven is in the details..

Are we Preparing our girls to be the CEO or the HOE? Is this generation of girls ready to start the new school year?

As my little cousin prepared herself to leave home for her first year at university, I couldn't help think if she was really ready.  I'm not talking about the classes, she's smart she'll do well.  I'm not talking about the stress, its gets everyone at some point. I'm not talking about laundry or sleeping in.  I'm talking about all the hidden stuff that we don't talk about.  All the stuff that we leave out of the "talks" we have with girls before they leave. We tell them about balancing partying and studying.  We tell them about the "freshman 15" and how to make healthy food choices.  We tell them not to leave their drinks unattended or never walk home alone.  We cover all that stuff.  But as my sweet little cousin left I realized that she might not be ready for some of the other stuff, the hidden dangers that tend to attack girls when they get to university.  I mean lets face it, university especially the first year, is all about hormones and testosterone.  We lump all these boys together (most of them virgins with the sole motivation of getting laid) and their hormones bleed together into this frenzied mating dance.  And what happens when crazed boys clash with the "fairer sex"? They become more sexually aggressive.  Did they all have older brothers who told them that university girls were easy?  Do they think the girls are just as horny and willing as them (no standards needed)? Is there some ancient wisdom being passed down the ranks to these boys that girls, during frosh week, are more susceptible to their come-ons, so they better work your magic quick before the spell wears off?? I don't know the answer.  But my cousin called me with tales of boys trying to remove her shirt during a party and a boy who shoved his hands down her pants......Now, I know my cousin, she's not overtly sexual, she's a tomboy.  So what signal were these boys getting from her that made them think she liked to be fondled by a sweaty stranger, drunk out of his mind,  and stinking of Yeager and redbull??  Why do they think its' ok to make such an aggressive move on a girl.  There should be no question in their mind that such a thing is not alright.  How is it ok to shove your hands down a strange girl's pants??? It scares me to think that boys find this behaviour acceptable.  But they are obviously getting away with it, there must be girls somewhere letting them get away with it.  From what my cousin says there were lots of girls around her enjoying that type of behaviour.  So I was proud my cousin knew enough to say no, but what about the girls who don't or don't feel like they can?  Are we preparing our girls to handle these situations?  It takes a strong sense of self to not follow the crowd.  It also takes a strong sense of self not to let your hormones get you in to situations that would make you feel bad about yourself.  Because girls have hormones too, and desires.  How do we prepare girls to stand up for themselves and not be objectified.  We do not want them to compromise their sense of self worth for the sake of some boy that may or may not be worthy of them.  If all the other girls are letting boys put their hands down their pants, it doesn't mean you have to.  If everyone in your dorm is going to a theme party called "CEOs and Hoes" and you are uncomfortable (or vomit at the mere thought) with the concept, it is ok to voice your opinion and not go.   It is ok to tell your "friends" that any party that pits men (as bosses in suits) against women (as sex objects in skimpy clothes) is tasteless, disgusting and should be forbidden.  In fact we should expect our young girls to stand up to such ridiculous types of social engagement.  I mean we've obviously failed some where along the way if parties like these are popular occurances on college campuses.  CEOs and Hoes, Tight and Bright, Catholic School (that fantasy only works in one direction), Bikers and Babes, Pimps and Hoes: these are all concepts designed to get young girls into tight, slutty outfits so men can ogle them without fear of reprocussions.  Why are all these girls going along with it?  Because it's fun? Ya it is really fun for those boozy boys who would probably never see a naked woman any other way.  And then think about the bigger girls.  The parties aren't designed for them.  Think how awkward they feel in those situations.  And this is why we need to start educating our young women on how to be strong, self-assured, women who do not need validation from men in order to feel good about themselves.  And it needs to start now and needs to start from a very young age.  Let's make sure the next generation of girls don't make the same mistakes.   

Impaling Palin: the scurge of feminists everywhere: Just take off the spanx and push up bra and get back in the kitchen damnit (obvious sarcasm)

In a Vanity Fair article by Michael Gross we get a picture of Palin being a terrible, detached mother who puts career ahead of family.  I'm not saying this is a false depiction of Palin.  But it is just another example of how the media (male and female counterparts) talk about female politicians.  The focus should be on policy and agenda, and political intergrity; isn't that what we discuss when we refer to male politicians?  The only time we depart from that is when the boys are caught pants down, ass out, with hookers, young boys or gays.  As much as most of US (strong, smart, decent, liberal-minded women) detest the fact that Palin is a public representative for women (because she's an idiot and her politics are absurd, conservative to fault, and out date) that does not mean we agree that she should be judged by how she looks, the clothes she wears, or if she spends enough time with her family.  She is in the public eye as a politician and that is how she should be judged: as a good (if that can even be an option) or bad politician.  So please lets go back to lampooning her for the idiotic things that she spews, lets judge her on her laughable sense of world issues, events and geography....We stand behind her to defend her right to a career in a male dominated industry and to be treated equally in the career.  So she spends less time with her kids than some other moms do, that is her decision; I'm sure Clinton or Bush didn't exactly spend hours of quality time with their kids (well maybe Bush, he had nothing better to, though it might have cut into his golf time...) and no one accused them of being bad fathers.  What if we changed it to bad parent??? And then applied the moniker to politicians on both side of the gender divide?? What a concept...But please stop forcing me to defend Sarah Palin, I beg you. 

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/09/03/will-feminists-rally-around-sarah-palin.html

Measuring a summer's day, I only finds it slips away to grey,

The hours, they bring me pain.

Tangerine, Tangerine, Living reflection from a dream;

I was her love, she was my queen, And now a thousand years between.

-Tangerine Led Zeppelin

The Shape of Love

Two imperfect shapes

Thrown together by nature

To form a heart

We police the Media

A NYC court found that "ladies night" (hosted by many bars and clubs) was NOT sexist...???? ....hmmm....I'm not sure I agree, in fact I know I don't agree.  It's not an issue that would get my fire burning, but when you think about it women are basically allowing themselves to be leveraged for some one else's financial gain...so yet again we are commodities.  It would be so much different if there was a men's night, or a student's night, or teacher's night instead of just a night in which bar owners depend on women to show up in droves (tempted by the cheap booze) in order to attract men..  Some people say relax, chill out, who cares; if they are stupid enough to allow us to drink for free/cheap, then whatever...and i agree i'm not ready to boycott or smash windows, but its good to understand the meaning behind some of these things and stand up for ourselves.  And if we are wanting a society that doesn't divide us according to gender, well then ladies night needs to be followed by mens night, or like I suggested, make it gender neutral. 
Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/09/02/sorry-fellas-sexist-ladies-night-claim-shot-down/#echoComments#ixzz0yPfAqqOj

Is being a feminist unfeminine??

I've always been leery of dubbing myself a feminist because I didn't want to be perceived as a "ball buster", but now I say: SCREW THAT.  I am a feminist, it's just part of who I am.  And so what?  There are worse things I can be (terrorist, pedophile, murderer, a blond LOL).  So do you have to pick sides?? Either you are a proud flag-waving feminist or you are a total bimbo, idiot moron.  Do women think they need to trade in their lipstick for combat boots; or the colour pink for black and camo?? It just doesn't have to be that way.  I am a feminist, but I also just painted my nails with a fabulous shade of rosy, pink.  I am a feminist but I also laugh at corny female stereotype jokes.  Let's just relax people, I'm not gonna rip anyone a new one for choosing male pronouns instead of the more politically correct gender neutral options.  I'm not going to pitch a fit every time I see a woman deliver her husband a plate of food.  And I'm certainly not gonna let my panties get all knotted up over some slithery man staring at my tits.  No, that's not how I roll. So relax...don't worry about it.  But you should know that the last man who chose to stare at my lovely lady lumps instead of look me in the eye, is now enjoying a quiet life eating from a tube.  I'm kidding of course, I'm too feminine to resort to violence.